ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
