Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
