Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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