So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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