I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
