Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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