When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
