She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
