I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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