I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
