last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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