We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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