I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
