he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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