Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
