Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
