my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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