She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
