I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize