someone threw a dead crab at me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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