you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
