His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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