i wish my penis had a tongue
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
