i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
