So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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