would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
