im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
