Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
