Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
