giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
