Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
