enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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