Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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