David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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