I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
