someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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