If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
