I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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