Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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