Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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