God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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