Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
