I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
