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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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