My hand turned me down
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
