:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
