Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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