Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
