um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
