Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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