You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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