Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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