"it" just moved
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
