I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
