she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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