what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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