she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
