I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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