remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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