I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
