is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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