I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
