I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
