Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
