I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
