dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
