Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize