someone owes me an orgasm
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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