at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We are all done wearing pants today
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
