i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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