If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
