I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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